Leafleting Comebacks That I Think, But Never Say by John Sakars 

October 22, 2013 

I’ve been a vegan activist for many years, and I’ve handed out thousands of leaflets. While handing out leaflets, people are almost always very nice. Many times I’ve had people want to give me a hug, shake my hand, get their picture taken with me, and even offer me food. They say things like, “Thanks for doing this. Bless you.”

Leafleting is a numbers game. The more leaflets you hand out, the more seeds get planted. I do most of my leafleting at universities. These young people are at an age when they’re open-minded about trying new things, and they have many meals ahead of them. I love watching students read the leaflets. I take great pleasure in spreading the vegan message and teaching people how to make compassionate choices. For anyone interested in leafleting, you can order leaflets from www.veganoutreach.org.

Many times, I meet people who are already vegan or vegetarian. I offer these people a “Guide to Cruelty Free Eating” and give them a high five! I smile and make them feel appreciated.

Of course, not all people accept a leaflet. Sometimes they say, “No thanks.” I never take rejection personally, though. I don’t think that these people are rejecting me, or rejecting veganism. Rather than dwell on the people who refuse a leaflet, I just keep on offering people leaflets. And just for fun, sometimes I come up with comebacks in my head, just to amuse myself while I leaflet. For your entertainment pleasure, here are some of the comebacks that I think, but don’t say:

"Sorry, got no hands." (They say while holding stuff in their hands.)  

  • I can see your hands. They’re right at the ends of your arms.
  • Grab it with your teeth then, like a dog.
  • I bet you’d have hands if I were offering hundred dollar bills.

"No thanks, I’m fine."

  • There’s more to life than just you being fine. The animals are not fine. They are getting tortured and murdered.

"Sorry, got no time."

  • The amount of time it took you to tell me that, is at least twice as long as it would have taken you to just grab the leaflet.
  •  This leaflet is at least a billion times more important than anything else you’ve ever read in your life.

"Sorry, I like meat."

  • Life isn’t all about what you like. The world doesn’t revolve around you. The animals like not getting their throats slit, more than you like eating corpses.  

"Not interested."

  • The animals aren’t interested in getting their balls chopped off without anesthetic, and spending their lives standing in shit, waiting to get chopped up for your dining pleasure.

Once again, I don’t say any of those things to anyone. In fact, even if I did try to say those things, I’d have to do one of two things: yell, or chase after them (because people walk quickly, and they’re several steps away from me by the time they finish speaking). I don’t do those things, because I don’t want to give people a bad impression of vegans, and because I’d rather spend my time offering leaflets to the new people who are approaching.

Anyway, thanks to all of my fellow leafleters for spreading the good word about veganism. And thanks to all the donors who pay for the leaflets that we all hand out! Go team!